how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
