Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
