He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
