i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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