That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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