I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
