The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
