How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
