I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
