he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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