wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
