K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How naked do you want me to be?
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