Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
