It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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