he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
