PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
