GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He has the fingertips of a God
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
