Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.