Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.