Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.