You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German