I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed