So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high