The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.