I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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