It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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