i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
