so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
