i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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