I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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