I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
