You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
