I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
