I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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