i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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