best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
COCAINE IS GR8
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize