remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
