After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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