Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
