I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
