i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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