Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
