I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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