What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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