she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
