Non-Jews are for practice
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
