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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
