He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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