shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
