In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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