Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
