I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
