Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she peed on how many people?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
