I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
