so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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