Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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