the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
