It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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