At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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