Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
