Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"