She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.