I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Canadian or clown?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.