and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.