my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's the barista slut.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?