I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina