We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college