She is in my trunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize