went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
