In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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