I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
