I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
